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Jump rope like a girl—and melt fat like a mother: skipping rope is the cheapest fat-burning workout around—and the best

I act like a 9-year-old girl. And if you'd like to tap the tremendous benefits of jumping rope, you'll have to too.

First, some background. Skipping rope isn't just for boxers anymore. As Olympic wrestlers, volleyball players, skaters and swimmers can now attest:

* It obliterates calories--up to 1,000 an hour (see chart, page 62)--and rocks your heart rate on par with running, but without the joint-jarring impact.

* It does wonders for your agility, posture, balance, reflexes and coordination, improving your prowess in games of Hackysack or that other sack.

* It blasts your calves, tones your delts and arms, and fires your abs.

* It's without peer as a warm-up and cooldown for weightlifting, ideal for home and travel, and easily the cheapest fitness device you can buy.

There's only one small problem: Rope jumping can be frustrating as hell--so frustrating that many guys don't stick with it.

Skipping rope is not even listed on American Sports Data's annual fitness-participation surveys, and I know why: After a solid week of jumping, I still couldn't go more than a minute without a miss. Seventy jumps in a row, miss. Seven jumps, miss. Thirty-six jumps, miss. Two jumps, miss. The inconsistency was killing me--killing my rhythm, my endorphin high, my target heart-rate level. If I'm this uncoordinated, I thought, why not chuck the rope and cram back to the ol' Lifecycle? Not as chic, yeah, but at least I'll get a no-stress workout and a chance to read magazines.

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Enter Jessica Martinez, a pony-tailed fourth-grader from down the street. One day, I saw Jessica and her elementary-school pals skipping rope on the sidewalk, but not skipping just a few times and messing up. They skipped endlessly--five, 10 minutes at a time. Their method was a revelation, and remarkably simple: Mix it up.

Instead of doing the same two-foot bounce over and over, like I was, the girls changed up every 10 or 20 jumps. A single bounce, a double-bounce, a skip, a jog, a knee-up, even a decent boxer's shuffle.

It turns out that Jessica and her mates were on to something. "The staple of a rope workout is footwork changes, which you should do every 30 seconds or so to avoid muscle fatigue," says Chicago-based David "the Rope Warrior" Fisher, who is cited in the Guinness Book of World Records for, among other things, "tush-ups"--skipping rope while sitting flat on his butt. "If you do a pogo [a basic double-foot bounce] for more than 30 seconds, your calves begin to fatigue and ache. Soon, that compromises your form--and you miss."

Fancy footwork, however, isn't enough to get you through a 30-minute workout. Fisher and other pros advocate doing side swings, rope rotations without jumping. They're invaluable for warming up, catching your breath, or keeping your rhythm between sets. And they help you recover from a miss without hardly skipping a beat.

Side swings, as well as a variety of easy-to-learn jumping styles described in the preceding pages, will help you avert the frustration that prevents many people from making use of this superb fitness activity. Don't kill yourself to learn all the jumps at once. With just three or four, you'll be jumping like a 9-year-old in no time

WARM-UP/STRETCH (seven minutes)

* Actively warm muscles without the rope. Use jumping jacks and mimic jumping movements. (One minute.)

* Calves and Achilles tendons (which get intensive work in rope skipping): Put one leg back, heel on the ground, and lean forward (1a). Then lie on your back with your leg straight up; wrap your rope around your heel and pull it slowly toward your body (1b). Do each stretch for 30 seconds on both legs. (Two minutes.)

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

* Shoulders: While standing, hold the rope in both hands, a little more than shoulder-width apart, keeping it taut. Then mimic the motion of a kayaker paddling (2). (One minute.)

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

* Quads: Lying facedown, loop the rope around your right ankle and grasp both handles in your right hand (3). Gently pull your lower leg toward your buttocks, holding the stretch for 15 to 20 seconds. Repeat with your left leg.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

* Hamstrings/glutes: Lying on your back, pull your left knee toward your chest. Choke down on the rope and place it over your shin (4). Lightly pull the rope to deepen the stretch, holding for 15 to 20 seconds. Repeat with your right leg.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

* Back/hamstrings: Bend forward from the waist, keeping a slight flex in your knees (5). Allow your arms and shoulders to hang relaxed for 20 to 30 seconds.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

* External obliques/lats: Grasp the rope with a wide grip, reaching upward. Lean from your waist to one side (6), hold for five to 10 seconds, then repeat on the other side.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

* Chest: Stand straight and open your arms wide, squeezing your shoulder blades together (7). Hold the stretch for 15 to 20 seconds.

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

* Full body: Do side swings (see "Footwork Manual," page 61) simultaneously with knee bends (8), toe raises and little jumps. (One minute.)

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man, it would be really cool to get elspeth vegetarian childrens books so that when she gets older, she won't be so confused about the way we are rearing her.

Current Mood: awake
Current Music: a sewing machine

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life is so fucking boring and i know that it's my fault.  i think that after i pump el and i will spend the day at the park.  well, after thomas leaves.  sometimes i love him so much that i feel as if my chest is going to explode and then other times i want to punch him in his dick.  elspeth is very sick which is of course unfortunate.  she is a mama's grrrl, i think.  she can't stand to be away from me for a freaking second.  i love her so much so i don't really care.  "you're going to spoil that child!"  good grief.  i hate when people say that.  it's like, "limit your love and she'll be fine."  wtf?  anyway, fucking morons.  i went to synagogue yesterday.  man, going there just keeps getting better and better.  last night was the only night that i spent the whole night there.  yeah, i sat in the back and when they asked for visitors to stand, i couldn't bring myself to it.  i mean, fuck, i'm punk and i'm in a synagogue, all dreaded up, bad bo, and patched up clothes...ehh, no.  i might do it next week.  i was going to talk to the rabbi about official conversion, but it didn't happen because vanessa brough elspeth in and she was fucking hysterical, so naturally i had to go to her and make things all better, because, well i am the mom.  hah.

morrissey is god, errr, a demigod.

i need to finish pride and prejudice, clean the room, and buy a little bit of groceries for my lunch next week.

i am going to learn how to drive.  can we say, "fuck"?

oh, and when i went to the synagogue, right before i walked in, on the steps leading up the main entrace, was a blanket with a note on it that read: use this to keep yourself warm at night. 

a simple gesture, and it would be more amazing if they offered the homeless person a place to crash, but it was thoughtful nonetheless, and made me feel really good inside.  christians would have left a fucking bible and a number to the city mission.

Current Location: at my computer, duh.
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: morrissey - you're the one for me fatty.

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today was hella stressful.  the house is a wreck, like always.  i don't feel like doing shit. 

people are aggro?  i dunno.

elspeth is beautiful. 

i want to quit my job but i'm not going to until i find out about berea.
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